Whether you believe you can or you believe you can’t, you are right. Our believe system determines our actions or the actions that we do not take.
For example if I am a smoker and I say “I will try very hard to stop smoking but you know I have been a smoker all my life”, then this means that we are highly unlikely to achieve our aim. The reason is because early on I decided that I am a smoker and that this is part of my identity.
If you are struggling in any area of your life, I challenge you to examine your believes. What do you believe and is there something that may be holding you back?
One of the crucial steps we need to take in order to change our actions is to shake up our old believe systems and replace them so that they support our goals and ambitions. Once our believes are aligned with where we want to go it’s like that road block diminishes and the road becomes clearer.
Most of us have found ourselves at times wondering what happened. Where we just wonder which way to go, feeling lost and confused. Most of us have also felt depressed at times, almost like a part of themselves was missing. We wonder how we lost ourselves and how to feel like ourselves again.
Those feelings stem from our expectations from what our life should be like. Perhaps we have pictured our lives to be married and in the most loving relationship with kids happily ever after. If we then have worked ourselves up the corporate ladder and are living on our own, we often find ourselves feeling unhappy and depressed.
Our expectation, also called our blueprint, paints the picture of what we imagine our lives to be like and can cover all areas of life. As soon as our current situation does not meet the criteria of our blueprint we will find ourselves feeling confused and like something is missing. Perhaps we even feel like we do not know what decision to make or what path to take next.
But how do we find ourselves again and turn things around? First of all we can take the route the majority will take which is to blame someone else for their life or their current situation. However according to Tony Robbins this is like we are drinking our own poison and expecting our enemy to die. It does not make sense and will not make us feel better.
So the only two viable options are to first of all change our blueprint of what our life should be like or work on our life. If we go back to being married happily ever after with kids then perhaps we need to dig deeper to discover the core feeling that we want to feel. Any of our expectations are based on feelings that we want to feel. In this case perhaps we are seeking unconditional love. When we decide to look further we might discover that we already have unconditional love but in a different form. From here we can change our blueprint.
The second option is to work on our life. If we aren’t happy with our body or our health then we can decide to work on it. We can choose to have a workout plan and work on our bodies. We can pursue to eat healthier or we may choose to work on self love. These options are about taking responsibility of our lives and going deeper. This path is not easy and there may be a bumpy road ahead but our happiness may well make it worth while.
A few years when I first found out about affirmations I was more than just excited about them and the potential of what they could do for my life. I suppose it was a bit like a near year’s resolution. I started doing them on the first day and continued the following days but somehow along the way I lost the habit of doing them.
Over the years I have attempted to re-start affirmations a few times but it never really stuck. In her book “the Desire Map” Danielle Laporte writes that affirmations are like screaming that you are okay in order to overcome the whisper that you are not. If I am really honest with you when I first read this sentence this really messed with my mind because it was so contrary to anything I had read about affirmations before.
Danielle goes on that you should always affirm the truth otherwise you are creating inner tension and conflict. This means that we are plastering over the difficult truths with happy thoughts that are false and maybe even damaging. At this point our mind think that we are lying and there is this inner conflict going on.
Fear is natural and normal and deserves respect and compassion. Research has shown that positive thinking does work and that it can be helpful to talk ourselves through certain situations. However the key for me was that it has to come from a place of truth and honesty.
So if I have an important meeting and I am anxious, it is about telling myself the truth. “I am anxious. I desire that this meeting goes well and that there is a positive and productive outcome. I believe that I have got what it takes and that I often have great ideas. For example when I worked on the project last month I got recognised for the improvements I made.”
By my above approach I stay within my integrity and the whole process is helpful. At no point is my brain thinking that I am lying or not telling the truth. There is no resistance. Just the truth and reality. A life changing approach perhaps. Try it out and let me know how you go in the comments below.
Here are some steps to help through this process
Look in the mirror and state the truth (any feelings).
Go through some helpful beliefs.
Think back of some past successes.
Say what you are doing and what is working right now.
This has happened to all of us. We are in the change room trying on the cutest jeans we have ever seen. As we pull them up we notice that things are looking a little tight. In other words they are looking too tight. Yet we still try and pull. In the end we are forced to give up. We might blame it on our thighs that are too big or perhaps even our hips that are too large. I know I have certainly felt that way in a change room. Immediately you start all the negative self talk. Damn… those chips that I ate. I knew I need to work out harder. Or perhaps.. well this would not happen to. We literally tear ourselves down.
The rise of social media is certainly not helping the situation. We are bombarded with pictures of all these perfect looking people that appear to have perfect lives. But how many of us actually realise that a lot of these pictures are filtered and those people only put the best pictures of themselves out. They only put the pictures out that they want you to see.
We all have insecurities. We don’t all submit that we do. No matter what size or shape we are. What if we build each other up instead of tearing each other down? How would this shift the world that we live in? What if we spread love, love to each other and love toward ourselves.
In her TedX talk Iskra Lawrence covers some tools to help and practice self care and love:
List or think about 5 things that you love about yourself
List or think about 5 things that you are grateful about which your body has done or enabled you to do
List or think about 5 things that you are grateful about.
In the comments below please share any self care or love strategies that you practice and if you like how these have affected your life. This will add to a resource for all of us when we are in those situations where we feel lost or like crying because negative body images.
Monday night I was enjoying my hot bath doing some evening reading when I learned a very important component. I was reading the Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey. In his book Stephen describes what an impact trust can have on business or relationships in any area of live.
Here are the rules
When trust goes up, speed goes up and cost goes down
When trust goes down, speed goes down and cost goes up
Remember the horrific events on 9/11? After this tragedy occurred there were more security measures introduced at airports. Naturally people were scared and did not have much trust in travel anymore. This meant that due to the extra security measures it took longer and therefore the speed of getting around airports went down. As a result because extra security measures were installed extra fees were added to the airfares, making it more expensive to travel. This example really brought it home for me and made me realise how important trust and relationships are in all areas of life.
I came to think about my business in Young Living. In Australia essential oils generally only fall under the cosmetic category. In Australia Young Living has 31 essential oils that have been certified as food safe. Young Living has top tier golden standards with the first of its kind in the whole industry. This results in only clean and pure products. I am proud to be a distributor of a company that puts purity first and rejects any oils that do not meet its high standards. Anyone that I have met and has tried these oils has been blown away. The company creates trust not only with its customers but also regulatory bodies due to its high standards. This ensures that the company can grow faster.
A male friend of mine loves to try all different kinds of hair styles. Of course only the kind of hair styles he likes. He is the kind of person that does not care about what others think of him. So he decided to get dreadlocks.
He told me how he went to work and all people were massively shocked. His co workers hardly knew what to say. After he had the hairstyle for three months he decided to shave his head. Again his co workers were speechless.
This story of dreadlocks made me think about life. I realised that my friend has the guts the live life on his own terms. He creates his own experiences and lives life according to what he enjoys. Therefore make sure to make the most of every day. There is nothing more sad than to have missed out on something you wanted to do. Life is precious and you are ultimately in control!
…5am. The sound of the alarm is invading the house. My body is not very responsive. I am sure it must be Sunday. One glance at the phone and I realise it is Monday again. The weekends always seem to fly past. Before I know it the reality called Monday kicks in again and I drag myself out of bed. The thought of work doesn’t excite me. All too often I think that there must be more to life than going to a job 5 days a week…
On average most of us end up spending 30% at work or in other words 25-30 years equivalent. Considering that this is a huge chunk of a lifetime it is alarming to think that most of us are not happy at work. We go to a job that we do not enjoy or even hate, every single day. We keep wishing it was the weekend. We keep wishing our life away.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. After all we do not know how much time we get on this gorgeous planet or how much time we get to spend doing the things that really light us up. What if there was a way to do work that makes you come alive? What if there was work that would make you feel whole once again? What if there was work that would make you feel balanced? We need to realise that no one is going to come and save us. It is up to each of us to take our life in our hands and take responsibility for what lies ahead.
As Khalil Gibran put it “Work is Love made Visible”.
In her TedX talk Dawn Goldworm describes the ability to control emotions and influence behaviour with one underutilised sense. New mothers are aware of this technique and even Hitler used this knowledge in his speeches.
When we are still in our mother’s womb the only thing that passes the amnioticfluid is smell. Until we are about 10 years old our sense of smell is our primary sense. When we are young we link smells with emotions which form our experiences and world. This process is also how powerful memories are formed. A smell can take us back in time and allows us to describe a certain situation with incredible precision.
I remember when we used to go on holidays my dad would always have fresh coffee in the car. Naturally I associate the smell of fresh coffee with being on holiday and the smell, even though I do not drink coffee, always makes me feel good.
Mothers know that if they have a blanket with her own smell on it that this will soothe their babies when they are no longer holding it. Hitler ensured that smell was spread throughout the room well before he gave his speeches to create the mood.
Omo, a washing detergent, hired analysts to find out what was important to customers when they washed their laundry. What they discovered was that hardly anyone would hold their freshly washed laundry into the sun to see how clean it was but people actually smelled their laundry.
In the past this sense has often been underutilised considering that the sense of smell has the power to change the way we see the world. Smell can create memories. Perhaps we should consider making it part to better our customers experience.
The scents that we like are determined mostly by our culture, our living environment and our generation. Our sense of smell comes from the limbic system in the brain which has no capacity for language. However the interesting thing is that the limbic system is responsible for emotions which is part of why scents and emotions can form such powerful links. Have you noticed that often we may not be able to explain a smell but rather we are able to describe on how a certain smell makes us feel. Scent is one of the most powerful ways that can make us feel good.
After I got home I got changed to go for an evening walk with my husband. As we were about to grab the keys one of our cats Jerry got very vocal. Jerry continued so my husband Manuel went to have a look. There was a pigeon in our backyard that didn’t seem to be able to fly and kept falling over every time it tried to walk. As it was getting darker and there are many cats in the neighbourhood, we got in touch with wildlife rescue in order to get it to a safe place where it would be cared for.
Today I am grateful for Wildlife Rescue and all that they do to care for animals and help them recover. They shine their love for animals on this planet and make it a better place.
Today I talked to someone that only just recently shaved his hair off. I asked why he had made the decision. He continued that he was currently undergoing chemotherapy and his hair had started to fall out.
I am grateful today that I am healthy and simply to enjoy another day on this beautiful earth. As I write this I was thinking we take the little things for granted until I realised that most often it is the bigger things we take for granted. We takeit for granted to be alive. We take it for granted to be healthy and yes we take it for granted to be able to walk. It is often that until we no longer have something that we take it for granted.
Today take time to enjoy what you may consider normal and be fully present in that moment.
We all get those days where it seems to be that little bit harder to get up. Often it might be during the week when most of us go to a job. It can feel like the bed is holding you captive and it seems harder to make that first step out of bed.
Today I am grateful for a very special bus driver. He is the kind of person that greets everyone with a BIG smile. He adds little comments as the passengers come onboard such as “only 2 days to go until the weekend”. This driver is also the only driver that I have seen that wishes everyone a great day as the bus pulls into the train station.
What an impact could we all have on this world we live in if we only shared a smile with someone or truly cared with love? Perhaps there would be a shift where we might start looking forward to the weekdays and realise how truly powerful our attitude to life is.
A goal is a like a seed. If the seed is given the right environment it may turn into a stunning flower or a tree that will bear fruit for years to come. Though in order for that seed to sprout it will need to find its way in the dark, it will become undone and the seed will completely change.
Affirmations set the scene and are like the environment for the seed. They create the conditions so that the seed or in this case the goal will be able to come to flourish. Affirmations are positive statements into which your goals can be incorporated. I love affirmations and they have had an enormous impact in my life.
We all get those not so good days in life. It is almost like you get out of bed and from that point things start to fall over. This effect feels like a chain reaction. Once things start to fall over you generally wonder whether it would have been smarter to stay in bed. To see whether affirmations actually work why not do an experiment on one of those days. Start telling yourself “it is an awesome day and everything flows easily and effortlessly” and see what happens.
Last weekend I learned about AfFORMations by reading Noah St John’s book (The Afformation Book). In his book he recognises that often when we start using affirmations we might not believe what we are actually saying. This is called the belief gap. For example if you are using the statement “I am rich” that little voice in your head might go “Seriously? Have you seen the balance in your bank account?” Do you know that little voice in your head? That little voice that is not exactly most encouraging and supportive. Sometimes you wonder whether you could just give this voice a serious beating to take down its volume. However there is a strategy that might be able to help.
The author proposes to transform your affirmations into questions. When you ask yourself a question you will find that your brain is searching for an answer even if you do not know the answer yet. Your brain assumes that the statement made within the question is already true! This makes the use of afFORMations much more powerful.
Here are the steps so that you can start using afformations today:
Transform your affirmations into afformations. It is important to start the question with why. For example for the affirmation “I am rich” you could use the afformation “Why did I become rich so easily?”
For each afformation list three actions that you can do today and of course start taking action. For afformations to work you still need to take action. Do not worry whether it is the perfect action but just do something that will move you closer to your goals.
Use your afformations daily. You can say them out loud, you can do your own recordings, you can write them out and you can read them. And even better, do all of the above.
If you implement the above steps then please share your experiences in the comments below.
Nicole Reichert 